THE SENTENCE

Sounds cool. good luck. I will not be entering, so I will be chearing you one.

Would like to read the full story before Oct.

EZEQUIEL

 I have read this script and I think it will move on to the finals. Good mix of action and horror.

Lee Brandt

It is a good story

full of posibilities, overall a great premise (for Action, Horror)

like Cecil B. de Mille told, "You have to start a movie with an earthquake"

well, we can add now, or whit Damien Boyle

Good Luck EZ!

Ezequiel!! Major points for the premise. The premise is excellent, and it can indeed be summarized as "28 Days Later" meets "Precint 13". I love that premise, with a concept this good its actually hard to go wrong. But now, after reading the first 5 pages of your script... I would say we're not talking 28 Days Later... we're talking a lot stronger, a lot more visceral, like, exactly, Grindhouse. Any Zombie by Lucio Fulci fits the bill. While the character in 28 Days Later had to wander for hours in an empty city before he saw the first bit of gore (the pile of bodies in the church), Mr. Boyle wakes up in the thick of it, and you managed not one, but two face to face close contact struggles with snapping zombie jaws in the first five pages. While 28 Days Later gave the character some clues in the form of strew newspaper headlines, Boyle got his clues from flesh and blood all over the place. So yeah, you definitely turned up the volume here! And its good to begin with a shock, but this is where your ability will be tested: can you keep the tension for 90 minutes? Gore is a game of diminishing returns, as you know, never quite as shocking the second time as it was the first, so the typical solution is to just dump more and more of it until the audience is nearly desensitized. I know you're way smarter than that, you'll figure another way to keep things brutal without necessarily throwing guts to the camera all the time.

I love the dialogue. Your dialogues always sound real, always sound like what the character would actually say in a situation like that, and that makes it easy for the audience to identify with him, major props there.

I would double check the prison's female recorded voice device though. Not only was it used in Alien 2 and a bunch of other "abandoned massive complex infested by X", but its actually improbable that a prison has something like that in 2007. I dont mean to nitpick you man, is just that I watch MSNBC's Lockup more than I care to admit, and I've never seen any prison that has an automated PA system, much less an automatic quarrantie one. I know it looks cool in the movie, and it serves a purpose, but its worth double checking, like FightDesigner said here.

Finally, the nitpicks: I know what you mean when you say something that looks like "an exorcist" is on the screen, but the audience may miss it. Not that they'll think its father merry, but that maybe you should use "a demon-like" or some other adjective.

Anyway, that was just a blip in the overall picture, which I love. I'm a complete sucker for zombie movies, I would see this in a heartbeat at the theater. It has lots of commercial potential, any number of male leads with above than average muscles would love the lead part, and man, I cant even imagine how FUN to shoot this would be! I gave you 10 out of 10 stars. Keep the goodness coming man!

 Looking forward to the rest.  I get a very ALIEN-ish vibe from the beginning. Can't wait until we can get into the meat of things, the dialogue, etc.  I'm sure it'll be thrilling.

"There Comes a Time in Every Man's Life When He Must Spit on His Hands, Hoist the Black Flag, and Start Slitting Throats."

-HL Mencken

It's an amazing action scene and it's deep into the "we open into chaos and fucking hell" vibe. So I don't want this taken the wrong way because you have a great writing technique for action.

But in the first five pages, why am I routing for Damien to succeed? Is there a quiet moment that allows for me to say, hey, alright, this guy's got kids, he's got a reason, he's got a reason he's the only one in the place that was left breathing and not with his intestines splattered all over the place. I might be the only one that wanted a little down time before we were introduced to the "infected". A little more development on Damien? A little more wandering, trying to figure out who he is? Maybe I just can't put my finger on it....

It might happen later, that might be the thing, so I don't want this to sound like I'm bashing. It certainly grabs your attention right off the bat and I like the sense of "disorientation" it creates. Similar to how I felt watching "Crank". Definitely want to read more.

I must admit, horror is not my thing. But, I know you know what you are doing, as you managed to make me sick to my stomach, just from reading text. I gave you a rating of 10 stars based on your treatment. Now, after having read your first five pages, if I could, I'd rate you higher.

You know how to get the emotions you want from your audience. Great job!

It's cheap.  It's schlocky.  It sounds like an 80's drive-in feature.  And I would LOVE to watch it.  Especially if you could really build the character study aspect, keep the tension high, as well as the quality of the effects.  It could really become a cult classic then.  I mean, it's not hight art.  It's zombies in a prison.  But, then again, it's zombies in a mother-effin-prison! 

Like stated before, I'm curious about starting off so strong.  But it really depends what happens in the next ten pages, so it's still to early to judge that.  Although, I do wonder what it would be like to start with intercutting snippets of news broadcasts, vaguelly discussing a crises (much like you were doing in the chat rooms and your blogs) over the credits.  Hmm.

My only note based on what I've read so far is...well...the character name.  Now I do it all the time, too.  Name characters based on my influences and favorite filmmakers.  But when something is so closely linked to 28 Days Later, it might be a bit obvious to have your main character named Boyle.  Unless it were some sort of ironic, tongue-in-cheek movie, or a total homage-fest, neither of which I feel this is.  Something to think about.  But again.  This is the type of movie I'd get all my friends together for, dress up as zombies, and go to the midnight premiere. 

I'm a huge zombie movie fan. I love good ones, bad ones, imbetween ones, and this sounds like, as is, it is going to be a 90 minute action fest zombie splatter film. Which is great. But I agree with curare that I'd like to be introduced to Damien beforehand to see who he is and why I should care for him. Even if it's something short like Precinct 13.

My only other nitpick was that I was confused about how Damien's cell mates were killed in the locked cell while he was spared.

Otherwise I like your style and, as a fan of Zombie flicks, I'll like the non-stop splatterfest regardless if it's written as intensly as these first five pages.

I like a script that starts in the middle of the story and makes the audience play a bit of catch-up.  Thus far, it's reminding me primarily of Manhunt and the aborted Manhunt 2, only with an actual reason for hitting people with hammers.

Magic Voice seems to be telling people to evacuate from a quarantine lockdown.  Which, to my mind, sorta defeats the purpose of a quarantine.  

I'm wondering if, at some point, Damien's going to go back to his cell and find the gun that ventilated his cellmate's head there.

I only know from the synop that Damien's memory is a little faulty, so as a member of the audience in a theater, watching this happen on the big screen, I'm initially wondering why Damien's not making less of an attempt to draw attention to himself by shouting for help (always a good idea when you're surrounded by several mutilated corpses and there's absolutely no sign of whodunit), and more of an attempt to sneak away and escape.  Maybe he's in for parking violations, and therefore unaware how he's supposed to behave in such situations.

I really like the fact that as presented, this is one tough-looking dude who's properly freaked out by what's going on around him.  That adds instant weight to the situation without detracting from his character.

...though I don't think he's got to narrate the "wasn't no ten minutes."  It would be even more appropriately fucked up if Magic Voice started the ten minute clock, and two seconds later the doors all slammed shut in Damien's face.  Probably wouldn't do his nerves any good, either... and it would establish that he (and we) can't trust anything in this place.

Bit of formatting weirdness with "Monitor #1."   And the Exorcist looks like Max Von Sydow in a priest suit.  Max is only scary when he's Ming the Merciless.

The two zombie attacks (within a page of each other, no less) seem a bit repetitive.  I know zombies don't have a huge repertoire, but if Damien gets tackled by every zombie that lumbers on by, I'm going to start questioning his tactics.

Overall, I have to say I'd read Page 6 of this one.  It's set up a situation I'm curious about, and that's the real job of the first five pages.

I liked what I read..you are a very suspensful writer and you know how to capture the audiences emotion..I wanted to continue reading..good JOB!

Hey Ezequiel. I absolutely love this idea. Yo are very creative. I want to read it RIGHT NOW. Good characters, great premise.

 Donna Mayh