House Of The Smoking Guns

 
We got a recognizable pattern in your work man, we got tough guys talking smack and being violent, witty rejoinders, good mood, good settings. And I admit the corpse talk is funny, and if shot right, the bartender getting his head blown off could be funny too. You know what would -really- make this funny: if Loco and Easter just kept on shooting at each other over and over and over unable to kill eachother, then started trying more creative ways, as if to deter boredom, and taking turns, etc. Try hangings, poisoning, electrocution... .. hey.. wait a minute.... now I got an idea for another script of my own!!! Gonna go write!!

Anyway, cool references to Unwritten Law and cool mood as always. The backstory, I can tell its bigger than this short lets on (what with the other six smoking guns, and references to the "Outworld" and such), so, its feature material, more than short!

For all your talk of short writing being so easy, I had expected something else.  Not that this is bad at all.  But it doesn't really work as a self containing short.  It feels more like a much longer film crammed into 6 pages, or, at best, a companion piece.  Like Hotel Chevalier is rather pointless on it's own...but it makes a nice addition when viewed with The Darjeeling Limited.

Who are these characters?  What the Hell are they talking about?  Why should we care?  Have none of these living dead creatures lied to the bartender before??  (he seeemd pretty easy to trick).  As for the shooting back and forth thing...maybe I didn't get it.  But if Loco shoots Easter (as he did in the end), then Easter becomes undead (whatever that means(vampires?)).  And that's it.  I don't know if getting shot will kill them, but neither can become alive again (even by this unwritten law), because both are already undead.  So, unless they were shooting each other at the same time, it would just stop with them both being undead, right?  Anyways, a bit complex for 6 pages.

But marco's right.  Damn do you have the ability to come up with original and interesting settings/worlds/tones and get it across easily in a script.  And I also agree with Marco that the corpse fucking bit was clever and fun.   

who cares about something else

action, kicking asses, playing with evil

great script

Rum  

No, No, No.

EZ, rewrite. I know, you say you are done with shorts, but rewrite. The set up is there, it's ready. It is your style, and it is good.

Then it goes apart, unfinished, un thought of, beneath you.

The elements are there, but it is too sketchy, to rough, no where near polished.

It's got your ooomph man, your style, give it substance.

Oddly enough, except for the gun play (expense and lofistics), probably perfect for the competition.

Steven Gladstone

Director/Cinematographer

http://www.gladstonefilms.com