Drama

Ever gotten one of those blowjobs that are just so good your whole body goes numb, you can't move, don't even want to?  Well, this movie's exactly like that.

Here's the deal; Columbian thug cocksuckers decide to extort 15 million pesos from an innocent family by strapping a bomb around the mother's neck.  Real-time mayhem ensues.

They don't don't get much more fucked-up than this one, ladies and gents.

Here's
the deal; Oh Dae-Su, not the sharpest of tools in the shed, gets his
ass locked in a shitty motel room for fifteen years. Upon his
release, he's given five days to find the cocksuckers who locked him up
and put a fuckin' hurtin' on them. Crazy-ass hammer violence
ensues.

Lemme just say this and get it the fuck outta the way; I'd go gay
for David Mamet. On the off chance that pitching or catching for this
man, some iota of his talent would rub off on me. If that sounds a
little strange to you, you clearly haven't seen Spartan.

EvilDirector's Cynical Review of Elizabeth: The Golden Age

**1/2 out of ****

"I have a hurricane in me that will strip Spain bare if you dare to try me."

I dare not guess how many times this story has been made, I only know I've already seen two other versions. Price's "The Last Man on Earth", and Heston's "The Omega Man". So, I knew the general story, but was eager for the new, modern presentation. I'm always a sucker for post-apocalyptic movies. Even if they look rather Hollywood.

This was a movie I went to watch merely because it was nominated for academy awards. Why do I do that? Well, 1, because hopefully that means it will be good. And 2, so I can accurately bitch if it wins out to another movie I was rooting for.

EvilDirector's Cynical Review of The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

*** out of ****

"I look at my red hands and my mean face... and I wonder 'bout that man that's gone so wrong."

EvilDirector's Cynical Review of The Kingdom

**1/2 out of ****

"The end comes no matter what. The only thing that matters is how do you wanna go out, on your feet or on your knees?"

EvilDirector's Cynical Review of No Country For Old Men

**** out of ****

"It's been traveling twenty-two years to get here. And now it's here. And it's either heads or tails. And you have to say. Call it."