Bad Taste

BigSugar — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 04:41:39 +0000

Dereks don't run, motherfuckers!!!!

Here's the deal; a
corporate contigent of aliens have landed in a small New Zealand town
and have sliced and diced all the inhabitants thereof, propmting the
government to send in a crew of fuck-ups to deal with the
situation. Sick, sick, gory-assed mayhem ensues.

For some
reason, Peter Jackson has been named geek butt-boy of late. Joblo
and Aintitcool are fucking swarming with the Johnny-come-lately
attitude that usaully follows when someone makes some really good
movies then fucks up royally (King King. Three
hours. What else can I say). But, lest we all forget,
Jackson all but ass-fucked us right out of the gate with this cute,
cuddly little slice of kiddie flick. Yeah, this was his lead-off
hitter. He pointed like the Babe, and then snapped this flick off
all over our collective faces. Brass fucking balls,
fuck-sticks, that's what that was.

The first five minutes of this
flick have a guy getting the top of his head literally blown off.
And his brains slop out all over the shooter's "strides." From
there, well, you'll just have to watch it. Suffice it to say that
if you don't laugh your ass off at this flick, it's time to lock the
doors, bolt the windows, drive an internet connection into your temple
and dowload porn straight into your cerebral cortex untill your dick
blows up. The show's basically over for you.

Now there's
plenty to tear apart with this flick. Continuity is all but
absent and if you're looking for smooth editing, try elsewhere.
That said, none of it will matter. If you've ever laughed out
loud at Monty Python, this is basically that amped past 11. Each
and every shortcoming is more than made up for by sheer insanity of the
sweet-holy-fuck-did-I-just-see-that? variety. If you've got a gag
reflex at all something in this flick will trip it. The "chuck"
swallowing scene did me in, does it every time. As I told someone
long ago, there's plenty of cheese, but it's just enough to cover the
meat here.

If you're a fan of Lord of the Rings and would
like to know how Peter Jackson kicked it all off, here it is. If
you're one of those lip-flapping fucks who likes to jump on the
bandwagon du jour, please watch it again and just shut the fuck
up. Raw desire and talent got this cat on the big stage, and I
can't vouch for anything in the future, but this one gives me hope for
all times. If the cat that did this one can get to the Big Show,
anybody can. So say we all.

Get it and love it.

'Nuff Sugar.